Sayings for Bumper Stickers, Posters or Personal Signitures

  • You are here: X
  • Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are. --
  • When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
  • I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • Having an out of body experience. Back in five.
  • I put the "fun" in dysfunctional.
  • Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
  • Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
  • Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
  • There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!"
  • Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
  • My Reality Check bounced.
  • On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • The Truth is Out There. So what are you doing Here?!
  • Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
  • We are not human doings, rather, we are human beings.
  • Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
  • It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
  • Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  • Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.
  • I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
  • I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
  • I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
  • If at first you don't succeed, to heck with it.
  • Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
  • We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
  • Am I getting smart with you? ...How would you know?
  • I'm not having hot flashes, I'm having power surges!
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.
  • Do unto others, then run.-- Benny Hill
  • It's gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack.
  • My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there. -- Carrie Fisher
  • I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. -- Mae West
  • The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -- Lily Tomlin
  • The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
  • I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts.
  • Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet.
  • All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen.
  • I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager.
  • I am Woman. I am Invincible. I am Tired.
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: How many can you afford?
  • Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
  • Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise?
  • There's no speed limit on the Information Superhighway.
  • Sweat is nature's way of showing you your muscles are crying.
  • You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  • I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
  • I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • Men don't roar, women roar. Then they throw heavy objects.
  • Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you. (from Bill Murray)
  • I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
  • Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
  • I have a problem with authority. I AM the authority!
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  • Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will Whiz on your computer.
  • Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
  • Motherhood: the longest guilt trip you'll ever take.
  • Motherhood: Another reason why we need God's constant help.
  • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  • Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off!
  • If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan?

Credits: source unknown.