Framing

Thinking about your ‘doing things on purpose’ framing. I’d argue what I’m actually doing is things on-spec. A slight alternative to examining ROI beforehand. HVZ volunteer work was investment with 3 gambles: (1) can I physically endure, (2) will I manage social anxiety, (3) will I meet anyone interesting. None guaranteed.

Getting what I want or things going my way = temporary depression cure. (Kinda like a GTD specifically for depression). Tuesday: Mountain Dew caffeine (after multiple days of abstinence) + shower + TK session + “getting my way” on multiple items in afternoon = positive brain chemistry cascade. Each win made next risk easier. That’s when action becomes possible. Can’t manufacture that state on purpose. Is purposeful action something I can learn to generate vs. something requiring the right chemistry/conditions?

Particular example. After our discussion about my emailing HVZ coordinator contact, my action generated positive result. Coordinator said, yes, she could send my contact info. He contacted me. I stumbled out a generic reply. Repeat? Rinse? No idea.

I guess support team, advice category, this round: therapy=1; AI=0. ie: Your encouragement made the difference.

So, f*ck. I decided that I had a hard limit that I wasn’t going to email you anymore, but I got flustered and changed my mind, at least for this minute. I can’t help it: favorable brain chemistry generates theoretical debate that requires immediate posting “to the aether.”