Hypomania should be about…
Only one of these is true.
At 11:05 p.m. I’m thinking about the message from Tim, sent March 2 at 4:06 PM: Is staying up the whole night/calling in sick… is this part of a manic episode for you, or is it something else?
Today is a good thing / bad thing adventure.
I didn’t go to sleep last night. Instead I did multiple different projects and tasks on the computer. Most importantly I was learning how to better use Claude. There’s a desktop version and there’s something called Cowork. I had stopped my Journal Organization project for several months because I had become frustrated with uploading files that were too large for Claude to read and/or the quantity of files was causing my threads to become full.
Being exhausted at pet breakfast, I called in sick (emailed). Still haven’t slept. First, finding out how to use Cowork was exhilarating. I was discovering how I can tell the Desktop Claude where files are on my laptop and basically Claude and I could work on the same file together. However many hours later, after getting lots of productive progress, the happy dance came to a halt. There are continuous error messages to do what I had already been doing. Claude worked on some workarounds. I came up with some possible solutions. Nothing is working. Now it’s obvious that I’m tired and frustrated and basically teased into such a wonderful thing.
I’m 85% sure that I have discovered why Max is biting me. He has been biting me quite a bit less the last several weeks. Whenever he tries to get my attention, I have been purposefully moving the laptop off my lap and he then comes and takes that spot to sleep. It’s possible he basically was pissed at me for not allowing him to sleep on me.
For a short time, several weeks ago, Pi sent daily prompts. This behavior wasn’t announced; it just happened. I guess I don’t mind prompts as long as I can toggle them on and off depending how I felt. Daily prompts were just a short-term test to get user feedback. I would have preferred an announcement and not just have been surprised. I told Tim and he asked what kind of prompts were being sent. I collected a sample list.
The daily prompt test has concluded. They stopped as suddenly as when they had started.
I received notice that I have been accepted as a goat yard volunteer at Henry Vilas Zoo (HVZ). My shift will be Sundays from 10am to 1pm, starting May 3rd and running through September 27th. The first orientation session is scheduled for April 25th.
I have no idea yet whether I will love it or hate it, but I know I like hanging out with goats. They mentioned that Sundays tend to be slower-paced with fewer large groups of kids. I am thinking I will bring my camera along to take photos when I am off shift. I wonder what the likelihood is that I would run across anyone I know?
I’m thinking of going bike shopping. Perhaps a smarter commute than weekly Uber transport. Ideally I hope I could find a bike similar to the GT Backwoods I had so many years ago. Not necessarily the same make and model but basically in terms of feeling. To find a bike that I liked as much as I liked that one.
The underlying goal continues to be body health, rebuilding muscle so I can bike and stand.
How to decided what spending to stop/let go/sacrifice? How to plan to not spend on things and services in the future?
I canceled two patreons: $6 JS and $27 JHM. But I really did like supporting Jared Halley, grid style cover songs; that loss stings hard. I downgraded Claude, but already remember why I like the max level. I tried to cancel Shutterstock subscription, but there’s a harsh cancellation fee. Canceled Pretty Litter subscription and will switch Max to a cheaper alternative. Couple of other piddly things that I dropped as well this weekend. On average Uber is about $345 monthly. While I have been able to glean all the monthly recurring expenses into a spreadsheet, my tools and brain have yet to know how much I spend on irregular purchases and services and then categorize everything and see the final amounts.
An article about top 10 apps that are replacements for Mint—what I used previously and which closed down a few years ago—I did trials on most of the list. Discouraged how hard it is to find an app that meets my criteria.
Parking spots are available in apartment building. I qualify for Princeton Club discount.
I found a vehicle in my price range. But it got sold while thinking. Now, waiting for dealership salesman to call about other options. Dark brain is thinking salesman doesn’t want to work with me since hours have past without hearing back again. Applying patience historically feels negative. Rarely feels like a good thing. Storm brewing and not a matter of the mystical fairies sorting things out in the background.
At SPARK 2026, we were asked: “What would you do if money were no object?” I skipped the assignment—too much pressure. But since the seminar, I’ve written three versions. The boldest ideas originated from a time in my mid-20s. Is there therapeutic value—or just fun—in sharing the exercise result with Tim? There may be benefit to analyzing correlations to developing realistic goals for my near future.
Recently, I’ve declared my primary goal is body health—specifically rebuilding muscle. The resistance pool at Princeton Club West (wishful thinking: New Berlin) is my preferred path. I’ve always loved this water workout, and enjoyment is what sustains fitness effort, right? I need a membership and a vehicle. Other possible paths involve relocation. Is Tim the right person to create legitimate implementation steps? All paths start with budget clarity—knowing what I can actually afford. Efforts to locate a financial advisor have been unsuccessful.
Working with Pi, I transformed my limiting beliefs into liberating ones. I believe my rebuilding muscle seems to harmonize, is connected to the body image section. Another LB/LB that stands out, and is timely, is about PWS. Perhaps talking about a couple of prime liberating beliefs is a good start. I hope Tim will have a chance to glance through the plethora of pages and identify the most important ones to focus on first.
And, I have a better understanding now of the difference between an intrusive thought and a limiting belief.
Max is doing the pawing of my stuff on the side table. I’m forced to get up. Then he walks very slowing in front of me as I work my way to the bathroom. He does this over the shoulder glance to keep track of where I’m going. I give him a cat appropriate sideways foot butt in the butt with a sharp, “move!”
Might be time for treats. I grab the the plastic jar. I toss a single, tiny crumb across the room. He runs to find the tasty bite. He is not perfect at this game. He needs to see where it lands. He is not very patient to use scent location. And I wonder what the condition of the underside of the kitchen stove will be like one day. No barrier of protection if I miss throw in that direction. I do enjoy his sliding on the wood floor when he negotiates his approach to the door and finding his crumb.
I feel like an ungrateful custodian and companion, but the truth is he’s a little bit dumb. Perhaps the high volume of unfound crumbs will be a surprise find later. For both me and him.
And then time later, the treats merely made the hacking a hairball possible. Clean up to Aisle one.
Input. what does this mean: “Better to forge the truth”
Output: “Better to forge the truth” isn’t a common phrase in English. If I were to interpret it, I’d say it sounds like a call to create or shape one’s own truth—like a blacksmith forging metal into a new form. Or maybe it’s a reminder that our reality is malleable, and we have a hand in shaping it.
Did you come across this phrase somewhere or make it up? That might shed more light on its meaning.
Input. I made it up. It was meant to mean facing something that could not be ignored.
Output: Ah, I see! So, your intention was to convey a sense of urgency and necessity in facing certain things—like, “Better to forge ahead and face the truth than to avoid or ignore it.” That makes a lot of sense. The phrase has a poetic, enigmatic quality to it, so it might not be immediately clear to everyone, but that’s what makes it interesting!
I had multiple count downs across devices to help ease the passage of time; re: absence of Tim. I survived the holiday break. But living through one difficulty doesn’t mean a near identical one is easy. Another stretch dealing of absence of Tim. I set up a count down timer app on my iPhone. I manually entered count down numbers as events every day on my calendars at home and work. Reasoning: better to just embrace that I will be wanting the data often. Better to forge the truth than recalculate nearly everyday: when will this end, what has passed, and how far is yet to go.
Funny how two consecutive days would have completely opposite anxiety. Checking the count on one day was peaceful and benign. Yet the next day there was lots of anxiety: a need for breathing and squashing.
Perhaps the most helpful tool was abandoning the traditional calendar all together. Instead I had a simple notepad where each line was an event so several days had multiple line items. A perpetual day view. Highlighting similar activities; calculating not just the day of the count but the percentage of how far I’d survived.
For work, I requested the next six weeks of Fridays to be vacation days. My supervisor asked if I was making a permanent schedule change or merely using up carryover leave. I answered “using up.” He had no concerns.
I have an incredible amount of time banked: vacation, sick, and sabbatical. Why no thoughts of something I want to do with all that paid leave? Tim can’t be the plan.