I had a GT Backwoods mountain bike, Atkins Verona Bicycle Shoppe. White with just the right amount of red and black. Thick knobby tires. Installed, behind the seat: rack, black box, and panniers.
Work day. Drive from Mount Horeb. Parking lot at Olin Park. Ride along the lake. Arrive at GEF II.
Many times, riding my awesome bike on the way home… bikers, joggers, boats on the lake, cars traveling past, sunshine, my favorite puffy clouds. Why can’t I be happy? Everyone all seem content. Admittedly, I don’t know what goes on in their heads. I focus on my strength of my thighs, the grip of the handle bars, the breeze, the beauty of the water. Nothing. I feel nothing. Emptiness. Each cycle of the peddles takes me to truck, to belt line, to drive, to home. Then what? The workout report will include this ride. What is next?
Kevin said I needed something more outside of the gym. He suggested, “Do the Devil’s Challenge Triathlon, September 2008.” I signed up. I trained. I did a lake practice swim. I showed up. I had the map and all the advice.
Everyone had someone, waiting, watching. Buzz of race atmosphere.
I desperately wanted to ask Kevin if he’d be there. But no. He wasn’t mine. Just a trainer and client.
I finished. But I felt empty. My accomplishment didn’t stick. Drove home alone.
I loved my bike. A machine was my partner. I have the obligatory photo as I run into the finish. Nice photo. I actually look pretty good. No one to show it too. Why can’t I be happy just for me?