Re: Dealing with disturbing discovery in bedroom. Yellow has never been my favorite color.
2:01 a.m. is a new day, and I get to send email. Roommate had been so isolated and withdrawn that he had been using plastic bottles to collect urine. I discovered the bottles when I was checking how well The Maids did on cleaning the bedroom. At first glance I just thought the many bottles were actual food items. Guess again. Not food.
Feelings: is it possible to have too many at once Embarrassed; sad; disturbed; really tired.
Responsible – Was it MY fault he couldn’t come out of the bedroom? Guilty – Should I have demanded he engage sooner? Did I fuck up? Confused – Couldn’t he wait till I was asleep? Was he resenting that I had a job, working from home, and I was constantly in the main area? Grossed out – Physical revulsion at dealing with disposal of the filled bottles. Sad – Things got so bad for him and no one knew. He was suffering one wall away.
Validated – I’m doing the right thing getting him out.
Grief – He was suffering close by and I couldn’t help.
Cramps – IBS has kicked in. Stress? The salad for dinner? Mystery.
I don’t know what is happening with him regarding jail or housing. I left voice mail for PO, asking. Most likely he’ll be in jail through weekend. I sent a concrete text to PO about the storing pee in bottles. Seems like something she should know about. I concluded my note with, “Can you help him?”
One more feeling: worry. Will the help I’m finding be enough? And I mean help for me.
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