Following up on age 19. I’m not sure I fully conveyed what the grief was about.
Farrier School was my first taste of belonging and independence. When farrier school ended in fall 1982, everything I’d learned and experienced started fading immediately. Todd left to start freelancing. I was the only student that didn’t continue using their new skills.
The next semester at OSU meant the belonging was gone, instructors were gone, and the skill went dormant. My college friends were still around, but I knew our time was temporary. The forced move to Wisconsin was coming fast – I couldn’t stop it, didn’t want pre-vet, was still missing my farrier school experience. The looming move poisoned the whole spring. I was so soaked in the grief, I don’t know how I made it through that semester. An emotional spring, transition right into an isolated summer 2,000 miles away: no money, no friends, just sitting in the house waiting for classes to start. My toolbox was stowed in a back corner, starting to rust.
Later, Farrier Science did get swapped for rock climbing, the next thing I was good at. For a while.
How do you learn to say goodbye to old versions of yourself?