Everything that happened… before leaving to up North:
Win = Picked up Ford Escape Wednesday night
Win = Within 10 min in Madison, I learned that I KNOW how to drive; not driving PWS’s shit bomb, reminded me how much I love to drive. Power: results in no fear to merge, transfer lanes, make turns from a light or stop. Comfort: sitting up high to see the canvas and no pain entering/exiting.
Win = shopping at REI for a pair of hiking boots. And CTK is going to say, “amazing growth” because I stretched out my comfort zone to select colors for boots and sox that I normally would ignore. But I really liked the way the Keen boots fit.
Win = went to Culver’s drive through to test that aspect of driving. Just a snack, fries & coke.
Win = took advantage of the last few days I have paid parking in garage; I was scared of the tight turn around the keypad; not so bad.
When things were really bad… I had an indicator of how bad. A phrase would slip out: “Driving fast and taking chances.” Suicide ideation was high. In contrast, Wednesday night… in my rented Escape, I remembered the phrase, but it meant something different. After cleaning the locker, there was calm with silence and peace. Driving a fast vehicle without the criticism, road rage, and backseat driving was a different kind of calm; exuberant joy, an absence of depression. The more I drove, the greater the self confidence.