Re: Anchoring the rewire in motion
Been thinking, when you shared your concern about managing diagnosis vs. absorbing it into identity. I think I’m on the managing side – bipolar is a condition, not who I am. I have realized the real anchor isn’t the diagnosis. It’s more about believing I don’t deserve a place in the lifeboat – that I’m not worth saving when resources are limited. That’s the core worthlessness – and feeling broken, unfixable – that makes everything harder.
Complex feeling: wanting to prove I’m on the good side, but worried you’re seeing something I’m denying.
I want to explore hypnotherapy. If the real anchor is this worthlessness/broken belief from decades of reinforcement, maybe therapy and medication alone can’t touch it. Could deep rewiring help address what other approaches haven’t reached?
Feeling: discouraged but unwilling to give up
For a long time I’ve been considering a yin yang tattoo. I know that could look like absorbing diagnosis into identity (literally ink into skin), but for me the yin yang represents the motion, oscillation between poles, constant rebalancing. The symbol isn’t static, it’s a snapshot of perpetual movement. That’s what the symbol represents, not a fixed state I’m stuck in.
Feeling: desire, uncertain, self-doubt (want one, don’t know if it’s the right symbol to use as a tattoo, wonder if I’m too old)