Re: Stress about Philip and Waiting for Move Out Details
Perhaps 36 hours is too soon to expect to know what happens next regarding PWS hearing from Lea, his p. agent, that he must make other housing arrangements. I’ve cleaned out the kitchen cupboards to sort: what can go to a food pantry, what is opened but good that friends could take, and what will go into the trash. The collection of spices I bought him last Christmas at Penzey’s most likely will not transfer well to his new housing; I’m not going to use them, therefore trash or friends? I have an appointment for The Maids to come clean Friday afternoon. The pile of empty pop cans and empty food wrappers need to be dealt with in the bedroom, I’m noticing flies again; the uneaten box of chicken wings maybe? In bedroom, I turned off the overhead fan, turned off the air purifier, unplugged the mini fridge. When I sit still, I can hear my clock ticking. The apartment is more quiet than a silent roommate.
Been off my Lithium 3 days; turn around time to request and deliver, slow; order should be arriving this afternoon.
I need to take my tiny $150 check to the bank. Waiting for my $40 remote deposit to be returned. I will only get reimbursed for November parking IF someone happens to rent a spot; then I could get a prorated refund? The amount of time Max sleeps on me has increased 200%.
Fiber optic Christmas tree = unpacked and installed on bar.
I have 74 characters left.
I’ve been having Claude tell me jokes.
Due to no change in getting PWS to participate in conversation or household activities, I call his probationary agent, Lea. She said that PWS missed his last appointment and he had failed to respond to her attempts to contact him. I told her that Philip was depressed, withdrawn, and unresponsive to me for weeks. She asked me if I had any ideas to how to get him to reengage. I had no ideas. I told her that his continuing to share my apartment was no longer sustainable and I would prefer he find other housing.
Lea said she had already issued a warrant for his arrest due to non compliance to check ins. She called the police to pick up Philip. Police came; PWS went to jail. He will meet with Lea within two days. Lea will start the conversation with Philip about this next steps. I don’t know if I’ll get pulled into any meetings or discussions.
There is meat spoiling in the fridge. I must throw out or freeze whatever is still viable. I decided to place my order for Factor75 meals — which had been the plan I made with my healthcare team before PWS moved in.
Feelings. Stressed. Dread what will happen when PWS finds out I don’t want him back. Confused about how to handle Philip’s curb salvaged coffee table is sitting outside back door still, because he didn’t take action to put the table in the storage locker or make other plans. Dread telling PWS that I sold my (his) car. Scared I’ll hate my Factor meals.
While complaining about the car, my friend JC reminded me, “that I should never had let the car into the parking garage in the first place” I sold the 2013 Ford Focus, which previously belonged to PWS. I went to CarMax. After the appraisal, the agent said that driving the car was dangerous and it was only a matter of time before I found myself stranded. Glad car is gone; but I dread informing PWS. Car cost summary:
Parking (8 months × $180): $1,440
Remote deposit: $40
Towing: $217.34
Battery: $324.62
Tires: $698.44
6-month insurance: $278.00
License/registration: $324.96
Inspection: $137.15
Backup lights: $127.13
Total spent: $3,587.64
Sold for: $150
Net loss: $3,437.64
Parking canceled, insurance canceled, remote deposit returned soon.
Sam the CarMax agent, after I asked questions about buying used cars, gave me his card and personal cell, and firmly told me not to buy any car until I texted him first to have him check out the details. I need to meet with a financial advisor before I think about another car.
Feeling: stressed, foolish, glad, broke
Ford Focus to Hanson’s to fix back up lights, another $127
Dinner out with JC; going to wear my baseball cat with “ears” or “wings”
Max still not happy with Wobble Toy to get kibble dinner
Need to make plan to sell car; don’t like it; actual pain getting in and out; too noisy and too many mechanical issues; but it does have new tires!
Need to write back to Jim (Naked Truth)
Need to make notes about for CTK
Clean pig play pen
Worry about what Philip is going to do with coffee table
If I toss the hall runner rug, should I replace with a door mat? Removing runner will allow more space for Wobble Toy to feed Max his kibble
Set up Christmas tree
Note which journal years are in good shape
Make plan for which years to work on next
Finish photo scanning project by putting physical photos to save into new photo archive boxes; maybe make another pass to see if I really need to keep all of them.
Clean based shelves of bear wall and organize, find space for pen/pencil storage boxes
Scan / photograph degrees and throw out degree padded folders
Multiple issues — work and personal — of irritation happened over the last few days. I blew up this morning. One thing just lead to another which resulted in smashing, banging, and cleaning. In serve anger I dump my out of control thoughts on PWS. I demanded that he help clean up the mess I made. Now he is pist at me. However, in anger, he did tell me what was his issues and withdrawal all about.
My feelings: guilt, slight embarrassment, frustration, lack of anger resolution, headache
Relevance: how to avoid poor communication
Re: attempt to reconnect with past platonic relationship
Sent my email to Jim,
Tuesday, October 21, 2025 AM
Jim responded
Oct 25, 2025, 7:12 PM — he…
• recognized last email was three years ago
• didn’t consider my absence as ghosting
• re-read our last exchanges to get reacquainted
• apologies for the thing he said
• yada yada, all cool
• thanked me for sharing recent history
• offers to tell me about his success with WFePB (whole-foods, entirely plant-based) in his eating
• he appreciated my comment that he is a good listener
My feelings: I am waiting a bit to think about what to say next; have fear that I’ll core dumb, burn out and fade again.
Relevance: learning to have healthy, balance relationships
Email to Jim
Message Diane / FaceTime
Fish fry with Janet
Day long workshop at work, presented, organized small group to go to lunch, took charged, flag waiter down to get checks when timer when off to say we needed to head back
Back story first. During a period of hypomania that included posting/responding to personals on craigslist and having lots of promiscuous sex… I met a guy, Jim. We became pen pals. 2007-2011. Never met in person, relationship never became obsessive. Instead, I could tell him anything… long core dumps about everything: childhood abuse, sexual history, orgasm difficulty, mom’s violence, 10 years without sex, everything intimate. He would listen, he would write back, ask questions. The correspondence slowed down, we stopped writing. A decade went by. I impulsively reached out via email anew. 2022. Our intense conversation resumed for a couple of months. He said something, that made me angry? I didn’t know how to reply. Jim learned about the 20 bags of garbage piled up in the apartment and how pain and depression had let things get out of control. Jim then made the connection that if my physical health was so bad, how would I be able to have sex if the opportunity were found. Claude and I discussed. We identified I was feeling shame about the garbage, I was strongly reminded about my fear of future intimacy ability. Without asking, Claude basically gave words for what I’d say to Jim, regarding ghosting him. Now the point to you — I sent Jim email. No expectations. Just to explain the cut off. It doesn’t matter if he is at that address, doesn’t respond. I felt healthier for, maybe, closing the loop? For facing the reason for the ghosting.
Dinner with JC went out — fish fry — at a noisy bar. An item that was troublesome, Claude says I should tell you about. I mentioned to JC that in the elevator going to the lab on Park Street, a man around my age said something to me. Elevator talk like. The key thing for discussion: I wouldn’t even look him in the eye, because I didn’t want to get hopefully that a random, older guy took the time to be nice and speak to me. My feeling in the moment, without looking at him, just his tone of voice and the atmosphere… it seemed just a bit more than elevator nothingness. I hated myself for even giving any thought to wondering; wrong to not be nicer/polite. Instead I was cold and depressed. Anyway, I was trying to explain to Janet about my fear of how do I not keep doing the Limerence thing… and she cut me off and told me it was on elevator talk and to drop it. She told me that her whole experience is that she can’t look any man in the eye because as a cute asian female she is constantly, unwantedly getting hit on, and she doesn’t want/like it. Later, when I tried some other subject, I asked if she knew how old the two cute men were across the way. She seems huffy, saying she didn’t have her glasses on. So take away. Janet not the right person to bounce off thoughts about men. Learned JC struggles with different issue with men.
I am surprised that I’m always surprised when I look outside to the patio and see that it is wet because it has been raining.