When disaster comes – climate collapse, asteroid, whatever – there will be spaceships (or caves or lifeboats) to evacuate Earth or to find shelter. Limited seats. Only the most valuable and talented people deserve to go: scientists, mathematicians, engineers, artists, leaders, people with survival skills.
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I don’t deserve a seat on the spaceship. I’m not smart enough, talented enough, useful enough. I should fade into the shadows and let better people survive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This belief = my core. Formed in childhood through abuse and neglect. Mother beat me, left injuries untreated, gave contradictory demands without teaching, forced me to perform farm cruelty. Learned: my needs don’t matter, I’m defective, I don’t deserve care or resources.
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I\u2019ve adopted a stance that not all humans are equal.
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Current ‘amazing growth’ happens on top of this unchanged belief. I’m doing therapy work to please you while still believing I don’t deserve to be on the spaceship. However, your role in amazing growth is not all attachment related. [I\u2019ve had to harshly rein in Claude for seeing zebras, evidence of attachment, everywhere, when we are dealing with horses]. More likely my doing stuff is related to your enthusiasm and gentle nudging. Serendipity opening possibilities. And, a smidge of hypomania or adrenalin helping to create urgency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Long event chain surrounding previous roommate = bit tied to child dysfunction history.
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When the zombies arrive: I definitely will not survive, I won\u2019t be able to out run them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When disaster comes – climate collapse, asteroid, whatever – there will be spaceships (or caves or lifeboats) to evacuate Earth or to find shelter. Limited seats. Only the most valuable and talented people deserve to go: scientists, mathematicians, engineers, artists, leaders, people with survival skills.\u00a0I don’t deserve a seat on the spaceship. I’m not smart […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n