Let Her Be

Maybe middle school. I overheard my mom talking to someone about raising her children. Something about how she pushed hard for her first three children to get good grades, to succeed academically. Sharon and Bill in particular were praised for being highly intelligent. Her fourth child, she decided to do different: not push, let her be. Knowing the result of the declaration of her experiment was too soon to tell at the time.

I don’t recall specific memories of being called “lazy.” But looking back, that word stuck with me, beginning about ten. One day I found a gold, short chain necklace buried in the dusty dirt road near the barn. Lazy was the word on the chain In cursive. I liked the flat metal cursive “L” and “a.” I thought why not wear the word of who I was. At one point I was scolded for wearing the found necklace with that word. I was confused. I discarded the necklace—I internalized that descriptor.

I have vague memories of being told, “you don’t think.” Meaning I didn’t follow through on tasks well or problem solve effectively. I have a difficult time counting a BS degree as my success, because I had crappy grades all through college. Not sure if this history has any root to a belief about slacker at work the past six months (or other low productivity times).

Is it true that lazy and perfectionist are at the opposite ends of a spectrum? Doing more, not nothing; work. Seems like laziness would be difficult when you are working overtime making something an unobtainable status.

Note: originally, verbiage was “Dailies not nothing; work.”