Defined by crabby, indulging, standoffish. Black and white thinking. Complaining about complaining. Yes and not all wrong. Scavenging for food? May have to do so this week.
Not enough credit for doing more. Maybe the more this time was about hanging on and letting go. And all the more that came next. I did the homework. The result: Netflix gone. Audible paused. Apple Music gone. Apple TV gone. Shutterstock gone. TurboScribe gone. Many comforts that made being alone bearable — gone. These were the monthly cuts I could make. The bigger savings are locked in contracts or annual renewals I can’t touch yet. I have returns that can further help. All the steps to prepare and go, are heavy. Good next steps are stuck in getting there. From the beginning of this financial indulgence, I’ve now scraped out a few hundred; but, at what cost?
Indulging? Sometimes indulgence and truth are the same thing. The debt is real. The cat bite is real. The weight gain is real. The caffeine withdrawal is real. These aren’t invented complaints.
At least my new favorite song was a benefit of Patreon:
“I’ve been drowning in lonely
I’ve been grasping for one last breath
Hoping someone would show me all I am”
—JHM
Standing on top of the sadness, being loud and grumpy about it, is the only way to keep from crying. Indulgence is perhaps protection. Trying to stay afloat.
I am all alone solving my own sadness. Again.
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