I can’t stop thinking about amazing growth. I know you said we could drop it. But I feel a desperation that I want you to understand me. I want you to see how certain patterns have been present throughout my life. I’m being bold to send a lengthy communication (see Attach), because I need to go into this long weekend with a satisfaction that I said all. I’m frustrated that I’m not a better extemporaneous speaker.
=Amazing Growth vs Patterns=
To me growth is short or long term deliberate steps or decisions that leads to personal transformation.
There are a couple of patterns noticeably appearing throughout my life that may look like growth, but are more biologically natural or learn behaviors.
=PATTERN A (PASSIVE SPARK)=
Stuck → Priming → Spark → Compulsion → Action → Depletion
Stuck = depression, deliberation, rumination
Priming = small external factors or internal conclusions reach aid in building the need to do something
Spark = an unexpected external event touches the long period of priming
Compulsion = a decision to act is suddenly engaged
Action = multiple actions result in a chain, where each step drives onward with an urgentcy and immediacy which feels out of my control. The length of the chain varies, much like riding the wave of high energy. The compulsion is aware the energy can run out at any time without notice.
Depletion = the success of the original spark can be any level of satisfaction; the health or the benefit varies. The long tail of coming off the ride ultimately ends back to depression.
=PATTERN B (ACTIVE ASKING)=
Long unhappiness → Identify missing piece → Opportunity appears → Brave ask → Get yes → Follow through
Examples of impulsively asking for what I want. I didn’t know I was going to ask until I ask.