Being 19

About Attachment

Begging forgiveness for the length and apologies for the choppiness: your copy has been majorly stripped; sections were written decades apart, and it contains references to people/events not explained.

Moral of The Story

  • Farrier School was special. Leaving Oregon made it seem like it never happened.
  • My mom’s decision to relocate to Madison, to follow my brother to grad school, definitely was a defining moment in my life.
  • Todd was first mutual, wholesome, adult relationship, if 19 is considered adult. In Oregon there was a potential the relationship could have grown. From Wisconsin: none.
  • Leaving friends from OSU was painful; one more reminder of all the times I moved and left friends behind to start over in a new town, house, and school.
  • Feeling helpless, controlled, and having a lack of ownership in my future.
  • Doing so well at hiding the depression, no one knew; no one knew how badly I needed help.
  • Written at age 19, “May 1983,” has become a significant example of how writing has been one of my coping mechanisms for depression or anxiety.

Rugby Connection

At age 45, I enjoyed training and playing rugby. I was envious of the college age women on the team. I greatly wondered what would have happened if I had somehow found the UW-Madison women’s rugby team at age 20, as a junior in 1983?

The Ask

  • Help me grieve age 19.
  • Identify what is it about this time that makes It a wound that won’t heal..

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