Managing Diagnosis vs. Absorbing

Re: anchoring the rewire in motion
 
Been thinking, when another shared his concern about managing diagnosis vs. absorbing it into identity. I think I’m on the managing side – bipolar is a condition, not who I am. I have realized the real anchor isn’t the diagnosis. It’s more about believing I don’t deserve a place in the lifeboat – that I’m not worth saving when resources are limited. That’s the core worthlessness – and feeling broken, unfixable – that makes everything harder.
 
Complex feeling: wanting to prove I’m on the good side, but worried you’re seeing something I’m denying.
 
I want to explore hypnotherapy. If the real anchor is this worthlessness/broken belief from decades of reinforcement, maybe therapy and medication alone can’t touch it. Could deep rewiring help address what other approaches haven’t reached?
 
Feeling: discouraged but unwilling to give up
 
For a long time I’ve been considering a yin yang tattoo. I know that could look like absorbing diagnosis into identity (literally ink into skin), but for me the yin yang represents the motion, oscillation between poles, constant re-balancing. The symbol isn’t static, it’s a snapshot of perpetual movement. That’s what the symbol represents, not a fixed state I’m stuck in.
 
Feeling: desire, uncertain, self-doubt (want one, don’t know if it’s the right symbol to use as a tattoo, wonder if I’m too old)