Tag: crisis

On Monday, I called my PDoc office. Been so emotional I left a voicemail asking for anxiety medication. Unable to make contact. I called back to write down the number for Dane County 24-Hour. Mental Health Crisis Intervention Line, which was mentioned as part of the outgoing message. I called the line, however the operator said I didn’t qualify, not acute enough, and he had to let me go, to deal with people in more crisis. Later I realized the number is just a referral service, not for people actually in crisis. Who knew?
 
Feeling: disappointed, let down, abused
 
Leaving messages for PO is not working. Then I wonder what is my role in keeping track of previous roommate next steps. I have not been answering the numerous calls from him; I don’t have anything new to say. I’m stuck between packing his belongings or burning everything. Or give in, cave, to his request to come back.
 
Feeling: Confused. Cowardly. Uncertain.
 
A friend continues to repeatedly criticize past decisions. An impulsive $30 purchase weeks ago, for the Executive Function 52 card set – arrived. Been over thinking the business environment messages and distracting myself with user interface and design critique. “Act first, feel Later. You don’t need to wait for the mood. Starting often creates the motivation you were missing.” (Not good for feelings of self harm? Emotionally, just kidding; intellectually, not).
 
Anhedonia is drastically heightened. Struggling to perform at work.
 
Feeling: stuck, just surviving.

Re: Dealing with disturbing discovery in bedroom. Yellow has never been my favorite color.
 
2:01 a.m. is a new day, and I get to send email. Roommate had been so isolated and withdrawn that he had been using plastic bottles to collect urine. I discovered the bottles when I was checking how well The Maids did on cleaning the bedroom. At first glance I just thought the many bottles were actual food items. Guess again. Not food.
 
Feelings: is it possible to have too many at once Embarrassed; sad; disturbed; really tired.
 
Responsible – Was it MY fault he couldn’t come out of the bedroom? Guilty – Should I have demanded he engage sooner? Did I fuck up? Confused – Couldn’t he wait till I was asleep? Was he resenting that I had a job, working from home, and I was constantly in the main area? Grossed out – Physical revulsion at dealing with disposal of the filled bottles. Sad – Things got so bad for him and no one knew. He was suffering one wall away.
Validated – I’m doing the right thing getting him out.
Grief – He was suffering close by and I couldn’t help.
Cramps – IBS has kicked in. Stress? The salad for dinner? Mystery.
 
I don’t know what is happening with him regarding jail or housing. I left voice mail for PO, asking. Most likely he’ll be in jail through weekend. I sent a concrete text to PO about the storing pee in bottles. Seems like something she should know about. I concluded my note with, “Can you help him?”
 
One more feeling: worry. Will the help I’m finding be enough? And I mean help for me.