On Monday, I called my PDoc office. Been so emotional I left a voicemail asking for anxiety medication. Unable to make contact. I called back to write down the number for Dane County 24-Hour. Mental Health Crisis Intervention Line, which was mentioned as part of the outgoing message. I called the line, however the operator said I didn’t qualify, not acute enough, and he had to let me go, to deal with people in more crisis. Later I realized the number is just a referral service, not for people actually in crisis. Who knew?
Feeling: disappointed, let down, abused
Leaving messages for PO is not working. Then I wonder what is my role in keeping track of previous roommate next steps. I have not been answering the numerous calls from him; I don’t have anything new to say. I’m stuck between packing his belongings or burning everything. Or give in, cave, to his request to come back.
Feeling: Confused. Cowardly. Uncertain.
A friend continues to repeatedly criticize past decisions. An impulsive $30 purchase weeks ago, for the Executive Function 52 card set – arrived. Been over thinking the business environment messages and distracting myself with user interface and design critique. “Act first, feel Later. You don’t need to wait for the mood. Starting often creates the motivation you were missing.” (Not good for feelings of self harm? Emotionally, just kidding; intellectually, not).
Anhedonia is drastically heightened. Struggling to perform at work.
Feeling: stuck, just surviving.
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